How to write a eulogy: a gentle, practical guide

By the speechwriters.ai editorial team · Last updated 20 October 2026

A step-by-step, compassionate guide to writing and delivering a eulogy or funeral tribute, including length, structure, sample lines and what to do if you get upset.

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour that usually arrives at the hardest possible time. You may have only a few days to prepare, you're grieving, and there may be a great deal else to organise. This guide is here to make the practical side a little easier, so you can focus on the person you're remembering.

There is no "correct" eulogy. Some are funny, some are formal, some are a few simple sentences. What matters is that it's true to the person and to you.

First, find out the practicalities

• How long do you have? Crematorium services in the UK are often booked in fixed slots – commonly 30 to 45 minutes for the whole service – and running over can affect the next family. Ask the funeral director, celebrant or minister how long you should speak, especially if others are speaking too.
• What else is in the service? A celebrant or minister often gives an overview of the person's life. If so, you can skip the biography and focus on personal memories.
• Will there be a microphone? And will the service be live-streamed or recorded? Many are now, which may affect what you choose to say.
• Who else is speaking? Coordinate so you don't all tell the same story.

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies at UK funerals last 3–8 minutes. At about 130 words a minute, five minutes is roughly 650 words. If several people are speaking, three minutes each is plenty. A short, heartfelt eulogy is never a failure.

Start by gathering, not writing

Before you try to write anything, spend time collecting memories. Ask family and friends a few simple questions:

• What's a moment that sums them up?
• What did they always say?
• What were they passionate about?
• What did they teach you?
• What will you miss most?

Write everything down, however small. Look through photographs, letters and old cards. You won't use most of what you collect, but patterns will emerge – a phrase people keep repeating, a quality everyone mentions. Those are the threads of your eulogy.

A simple structure

1. Introduce yourself and your relationship to the person. "I'm Claire, Margaret's eldest daughter."
2. A brief outline of their life – where they grew up, work, family, the big moments. Keep this short, particularly if the celebrant has covered it.
3. Who they were – two or three qualities, each shown through a story.
4. What they meant to others – family, friends, community, colleagues.
5. A closing – a final thought, a favourite saying, a few words of goodbye.

Show, don't just tell

"She was generous" means less than the story of how she drove through the night to collect you from a station, or always kept a spare tin of biscuits for the postman. One specific memory brings a person back into the room in a way a list of adjectives can't.

Sample lines:

• "Dad was not a man of many words, but he never missed a single one of our school plays, even the year I played a tree."
• "If you went to Nan's house, you were fed. It didn't matter if you'd just eaten, or if you'd only come to read the meter."
• "Mike had a rule: never walk past someone who looks lost. I've seen him give directions in three languages, none of which he actually spoke."

Humour is allowed

A gentle, affectionate story that makes people smile is often a huge relief for everyone. It reminds the room of the person as they really were. Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful – it's a sign of love. Just avoid anything that might embarrass the family or need a long explanation.

Things to handle with care

• Family tensions or estrangements – leave them out. A funeral is not the place.
• The cause of death – mention only if the family is comfortable, and briefly.
• Difficult aspects of the person's life – you don't need to pretend they were perfect ("He could be stubborn, as many of you know"), but this isn't the time for a full reckoning.
• Religion – match the tone of the service and the person's own beliefs.
• Naming people – if you mention some grandchildren, mention them all.

Endings

A eulogy can end with a direct goodbye ("Thank you, Mum. We'll miss you every day"), a favourite saying, a short poem or reading, or a thought about how their example lives on. Keep it simple; the end of a eulogy doesn't need a flourish.

If you're worried about breaking down

It's completely normal, and nobody will mind. Some practical help:

• Print the eulogy in large type with wide line spacing, so you don't lose your place.
• Mark natural pauses where you can stop, breathe and take a sip of water.
• Practise aloud several times. The emotional lines get a little easier each time.
• Arrange a backup reader. Give a copy to the celebrant or a family member and ask them to be ready to step in if you need them. Knowing there's a safety net often means you don't need it.
• Look at a friendly face, or just above the heads of the congregation, if eye contact is too much.

See also our tips on calming nerves before a speech.

Guides for specific eulogies

• Eulogy for mum
• Eulogy for dad
• Eulogy for a grandparent

When you have a draft, the speech timer will tell you how long it runs, and the outline tool (choose "Eulogy") can help shape your memories into a structure. Please don't enter details you'd rather keep private.

Frequently asked questions

How long should a eulogy be?

Usually 3–8 minutes, or about 400–1,000 words. Ask the funeral director or celebrant how much time is available.

Is it OK to include humour in a eulogy?

Yes. Gentle, affectionate humour often helps people remember the person as they were. Avoid anything that could embarrass the family.

What if I can't get through the eulogy?

Pause, breathe and take a sip of water. Arrange for someone to have a copy and be ready to read it for you if needed.

Who usually gives the eulogy?

Often a close family member or friend, but it can be shared between several people or given by a celebrant or minister.

Related guides

• Writing a eulogy for your mum
• Writing a eulogy for your dad
• Writing a eulogy for a grandparent
• How to calm nerves before a speech